The Parallel Process Parent Intensive:
TRANSFORMING Alongside your Child in Treatment
By Author, Krissy Pozatek, LICSW
• In this intensive, experiential workshop, parents will identify, understand and transform their negative relationship patterns with their child.
• Participants will come away with new concrete communication skills that will be integrated through role-plays, attunement to feelings and a stronger awareness of parent-child differentiation.
• In this supportive and relaxed setting, parents will become clearer in their parenting, which enables children to feel more secure in the parent-child relationship
Save the Date • Sat, April 21st, 9:30am-4:30pm
Eduardo’s Resturant (private room) • 77 South Moger Ave. • Mt. Kisco, NY
$175 per individual • $250 per couple • Not refundable after April 7th • Space Limited
_________________________________________________________________
The Parallel Process Parent Intensive
Name(s)_________________________________________________
Home Address____________________________________________
Phone_________________________ Email___________________________
Coffee, Muffins and Lunch Included
Please fill out and send in tear-off and check to: Parallel Process, 1305 Vermont rte 14N, East Montpelier, VT 05651. Space is limited to 30. Payment must be received to secure space.
Please contact Krissy with any questions: krissy@parallel-process.com , 802-595-5116
Or, Lisa Muoio: Lisa@ERUconsults.com, 914-232-4000 at Educational Resources Unlimited
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Parent Workshop Coming!
The Parallel Process Parent Intensive:
TRANSFORM alongside your child in treatment through a weekend of support, learning and PRACTICE
By Author, Krissy Pozatek, LICSW
* In this 2-day intensive, experiential workshop, parents will identify, understand and transform their negative relationship patterns with their child in treatment.
*Participants will come away with new concrete skills that will be integrated through role-plays, attunement to feelings and a stronger awareness of parent-child differentiation.
* In this supportive and relaxed setting, parents will become clearer in their parenting, allowing their kids to feel more secure in the parent-child relationship.
* De-stress, recharge and hardwire new communication techniques
Save the Date • Sat, October 15th, 9:30am-5pm & Sun, October 16th, 9:30 am-4pm
THE LAKEVIEW CENTER • 800 GILSON PARK DRIVE • WILMETTE, IL
$295 per individual, $575 per couple, $325 per individual walk-in (space permitting)
_________________________________________________________________
The Parallel Process Parent Intensive
Name(s)_________________________________________________
Home Address____________________________________________
Phone_________________________ Email___________________________
Coffee, Muffins and Lunch Included –please check one
Omnivore Vegetarian Vegan Food Allergy ______________
Please fill out and send in tear-off and check to: Parallel Process, 1305 Vermont rte 14N, East Montpelier, VT 05651. Space is limited to 30. Payment must be received to secure space.
Please contact Krissy with any questions: krissy@parallel-process.com
Visit www.parallel-process.com
TRANSFORM alongside your child in treatment through a weekend of support, learning and PRACTICE
By Author, Krissy Pozatek, LICSW
* In this 2-day intensive, experiential workshop, parents will identify, understand and transform their negative relationship patterns with their child in treatment.
*Participants will come away with new concrete skills that will be integrated through role-plays, attunement to feelings and a stronger awareness of parent-child differentiation.
* In this supportive and relaxed setting, parents will become clearer in their parenting, allowing their kids to feel more secure in the parent-child relationship.
* De-stress, recharge and hardwire new communication techniques
Save the Date • Sat, October 15th, 9:30am-5pm & Sun, October 16th, 9:30 am-4pm
THE LAKEVIEW CENTER • 800 GILSON PARK DRIVE • WILMETTE, IL
$295 per individual, $575 per couple, $325 per individual walk-in (space permitting)
_________________________________________________________________
The Parallel Process Parent Intensive
Name(s)_________________________________________________
Home Address____________________________________________
Phone_________________________ Email___________________________
Coffee, Muffins and Lunch Included –please check one
Omnivore Vegetarian Vegan Food Allergy ______________
Please fill out and send in tear-off and check to: Parallel Process, 1305 Vermont rte 14N, East Montpelier, VT 05651. Space is limited to 30. Payment must be received to secure space.
Please contact Krissy with any questions: krissy@parallel-process.com
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Facebook Page
Finally The Parallel Process has a Facebook Page! This is intended for parents to share comments, ideas, or simply to get support by seeing that they are not alone in the journey of having a child in treatment. The impetus for the book came from seeing so many similar patterns in my years working with families, yet most families feel alone in going through the process. If families feel comfortable sharing short stories, ideas or encouragements, I am sure another mother or father will benefit. Remember you have to go through the woods to get to the other side, which often involves a lot of uncertainty. Trust that there is a clearing on the other side of the woods.
Show your support by pressing Like!
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Show your support by pressing Like!
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Why Children Struggling in the Home is OK, even Good!
Read this article and be grateful for your child's struggles with rules, homework and the discomforts of life....
how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy
Visit www.parallel-process.com
how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Are You the Manager in Your Child’s Life?
It is hard to change the person if you don’t also change the system. I recently watched the movie Country Strong – a country music film starring Gwyneth Paltrow. I thought it was going to be an entertaining movie with some drama mixed in; but it reminded me once again that rehab jaunts are rarely successful when the old family dynamics are still at play.
In Country Strong, the main character Kelly, a superstar country music singer, is also a reckless and self-destructive alcoholic. She enters rehab to rest, sober-up and reexamine her life after a drinking binge while pregnant, resulting in an accident and miscarriage. Of course this movie had all the Hollywood theatrics, yet it also had some hauntingly familiar familial patterns that are exhibited in many treatment centers around the country.
Her husband, also her manager, removes her from treatment one month early to get her back on track with her career. (You could also say removing a child early from treatment to get back on track with “school.”) Clearly this move has everything to do with the husband/manager’s needs and nothing to do with Kelly’s wellbeing or recovery. Though she has beauty, talent, wealth and fame, she has no freedom to make choices and feel empowered in her own life. Kelly continues to look externally for love and validation from her husband and others – to be seen and heard for who she is. When these attempts continue to come up short, Kelly grows more and more depressed, reveals herself as the fragile person she was before treatment and she continues to act out and drink.
In short, Kelly quickly fell back into her “role” of being an acquiescent wife to her husband/manager’s directions – rather than relying on her own inner-strengths and inner-resources. Her husband becomes increasingly frustrated with her fragility; yet he is unable to see how his over-bearing and withholding personality fundamentally contributes to her instability. When her husband shifted into a managerial role, their marriage lost their love and she lost her power. She was unable to go on stage with confidence and brass when she had none in her own life.
Although this story may represent an extreme – many parents may not be aware of the patterns and relationship dynamics that exist in their family system; that contribute to their children getting stuck. How many parents are the managers in their kid’s lives? When kids start to get better in treatment, it is usually tentative, as they are learning to independently manage and stand on their own two feet. Parents might think – “My child is better, time to get back on track with school, and resume a normal life.” However, parents have to examine if the parent-child relationship has also shifted enough to support the child’s emerging emotional growth.
When the system is unexamined (as in the movie), familiar familial patterns are still right there. Kids are good at collapsing into the parents and handing over the responsibility for their life. Parents who missed being “in-charge” while their child was away in treatment are ready to get back into the pilot seat. None of this is malicious or ill-intentioned; it is just familiar familial ways.
Yet, it is evident that kids also relinquish their emerging independence, their new found coping skills and their personal accountability. To preserve the gains of treatment, parents can engage in a Parallel Process to grow alongside their child, and examine the patterns of over-involvement, enmeshment or co-dependency that may underlie their child’s struggles. There are two ingredients needed for new outcomes: a child examining his or her own struggles and choices while the parents examine their roles and patterns in the parent-child relationship. It is impossible to change familial patterns without, insight, awareness and bravery.
Visit www.parallel-process.com
In Country Strong, the main character Kelly, a superstar country music singer, is also a reckless and self-destructive alcoholic. She enters rehab to rest, sober-up and reexamine her life after a drinking binge while pregnant, resulting in an accident and miscarriage. Of course this movie had all the Hollywood theatrics, yet it also had some hauntingly familiar familial patterns that are exhibited in many treatment centers around the country.
Her husband, also her manager, removes her from treatment one month early to get her back on track with her career. (You could also say removing a child early from treatment to get back on track with “school.”) Clearly this move has everything to do with the husband/manager’s needs and nothing to do with Kelly’s wellbeing or recovery. Though she has beauty, talent, wealth and fame, she has no freedom to make choices and feel empowered in her own life. Kelly continues to look externally for love and validation from her husband and others – to be seen and heard for who she is. When these attempts continue to come up short, Kelly grows more and more depressed, reveals herself as the fragile person she was before treatment and she continues to act out and drink.
In short, Kelly quickly fell back into her “role” of being an acquiescent wife to her husband/manager’s directions – rather than relying on her own inner-strengths and inner-resources. Her husband becomes increasingly frustrated with her fragility; yet he is unable to see how his over-bearing and withholding personality fundamentally contributes to her instability. When her husband shifted into a managerial role, their marriage lost their love and she lost her power. She was unable to go on stage with confidence and brass when she had none in her own life.
Although this story may represent an extreme – many parents may not be aware of the patterns and relationship dynamics that exist in their family system; that contribute to their children getting stuck. How many parents are the managers in their kid’s lives? When kids start to get better in treatment, it is usually tentative, as they are learning to independently manage and stand on their own two feet. Parents might think – “My child is better, time to get back on track with school, and resume a normal life.” However, parents have to examine if the parent-child relationship has also shifted enough to support the child’s emerging emotional growth.
When the system is unexamined (as in the movie), familiar familial patterns are still right there. Kids are good at collapsing into the parents and handing over the responsibility for their life. Parents who missed being “in-charge” while their child was away in treatment are ready to get back into the pilot seat. None of this is malicious or ill-intentioned; it is just familiar familial ways.
Yet, it is evident that kids also relinquish their emerging independence, their new found coping skills and their personal accountability. To preserve the gains of treatment, parents can engage in a Parallel Process to grow alongside their child, and examine the patterns of over-involvement, enmeshment or co-dependency that may underlie their child’s struggles. There are two ingredients needed for new outcomes: a child examining his or her own struggles and choices while the parents examine their roles and patterns in the parent-child relationship. It is impossible to change familial patterns without, insight, awareness and bravery.
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Video: Reflective Listening
This is the third Parenting Skill from my new book, The Parallel Process.
It is called Reflective Listening
Try it Today!
Visit www.parallel-process.com
It is called Reflective Listening
Try it Today!
Visit www.parallel-process.com
Monday, March 14, 2011
127 Hours: What is Your Rock?
(Spoiler Alert: If you want to see 127 hours, read this after)
I have to admit, I was equal parts intrigued and uneasy about seeing the movie 127 hours. I knew the storyline, his arm is trapped by a rock and he cuts it off. Not necessarily a compelling movie. However I also had heard the reviews, knew it was nominated for Oscars, and knew I would eventually see it, so with some trepidation, I rented it. My husband was at a work event, which brought more mixed feelings: is this the kind of movie I wanted to watch alone? Yet I also considered – would my husband ever watch it with me anyway?
I settled in with my popcorn and told myself the Utah landscapes would be beautiful, if nothing else. The director, Danny Boyle, had done Slum Dog Millionaire which was mesmerizing, so I only imagined what he could do with the remote red-rock desert of Canyonlands, Utah. I also told myself, I should see this, I lived in Utah, I hiked and camped in Canyonlands, I can’t miss this.
Whatever my reasons (I also knew I could fast forward through the gruesome parts – which I did), 127 Hours was by far the best movie I have seen this year. Truthfully, it has stayed with me. I am even tempted to watch it again. 127 Hours teaches such an important lesson: calamity is good.
Of course no one in their right mind would ever want to experience what Aron Ralston experienced, yet this event changed his life for the good (at least how it is portrayed in the movie). Through 5 days trapped in one spot with little to no food or water, it is a miraculous story of survival. However there is a much more captivating and illuminating psychological investigation that Aron undergoes as he is pinned in the depths of a slot canyon, seemingly deep in the Earth’s crust. He is alone. No one knows where he is. He did not tell anyone where he was going. He did not have a phone. He had not returned his mother’s call. He did not tell his co-workers where he went. He cut off from his girlfriend. He chose to be alone and he suffered the consequence.
On the edge of death, Aron begins to have an awakening. “I created this.” “In fact, this rock has been waiting for me.” “It is my rock.” “Even back when it was a meteorite before it crashed onto the Earth, it had my name on it.” Aron begins to have premonitions about the future. He begins to imagine being reunited with his family, and his extended family. He imagines a future wife and family of his own. Buddhists talk about being on the spot, when we are nailed to a spot we have an opportunity to wake up, to let go of the storylines in our head and touch in to what is really happening. Aron was literally pinned to a spot, and he woke up.
Already physically in an altered state, Aron’s psychological and spiritual transformation pushed him to a deep place of letting go. His arm was not him. It seemed he even needed to leave a piece of him behind to exit the canyon a new person. He began to go to work. A new surge of energy reignited him from the brink of death. Although he had already fruitlessly stabbed his arm with his cheap and dull knife, he was now determined to break free from this rock. Trance-like, he began to break his own bones in his arm, by forcefully hanging from his dead hand jammed under the 800 pound boulder, until his bones snapped. He then (I fast-forwarded this part) used the almost useless knife and his other hand to rip his skin free. I admit I sped over the details but it was gripping. Then he walks away after 5 days, barely alive.
It is still amazing to think about. His premonitions come true. He changes his life. He reconnects with his family. He gets married, has a baby and now he always tells his friends and family where he is going.
This movie touched me because I know personally and professionally that most people don’t change unless they have to. Aron had to change to live. However for most of us, it is not life or death, but it may be another crisis. We can choose to look at our crises the same way that Aron viewed his rock.
Rather than condemning and running from obstacles that are placed in our path, we can get curious about them. What problem is pinning you down? Why is this obstacle right there in front of me? We can pay attention and allow ourselves to do the hard work. Hopefully, not the work of cutting off an arm, but perhaps cutting off a habit or negative coping pattern, an unhealthy relationship, or an erroneous belief system. We can change and in fact rather than looking at events as good or bad, we can look at events as opportunities to grow and expand. So I will ask parents reading this: what is your rock that has fallen on you? How do you work with this problem, so you can leave it transformed, maybe even grateful?
Visit www.parallel-process.com
I have to admit, I was equal parts intrigued and uneasy about seeing the movie 127 hours. I knew the storyline, his arm is trapped by a rock and he cuts it off. Not necessarily a compelling movie. However I also had heard the reviews, knew it was nominated for Oscars, and knew I would eventually see it, so with some trepidation, I rented it. My husband was at a work event, which brought more mixed feelings: is this the kind of movie I wanted to watch alone? Yet I also considered – would my husband ever watch it with me anyway?
I settled in with my popcorn and told myself the Utah landscapes would be beautiful, if nothing else. The director, Danny Boyle, had done Slum Dog Millionaire which was mesmerizing, so I only imagined what he could do with the remote red-rock desert of Canyonlands, Utah. I also told myself, I should see this, I lived in Utah, I hiked and camped in Canyonlands, I can’t miss this.
Whatever my reasons (I also knew I could fast forward through the gruesome parts – which I did), 127 Hours was by far the best movie I have seen this year. Truthfully, it has stayed with me. I am even tempted to watch it again. 127 Hours teaches such an important lesson: calamity is good.
Of course no one in their right mind would ever want to experience what Aron Ralston experienced, yet this event changed his life for the good (at least how it is portrayed in the movie). Through 5 days trapped in one spot with little to no food or water, it is a miraculous story of survival. However there is a much more captivating and illuminating psychological investigation that Aron undergoes as he is pinned in the depths of a slot canyon, seemingly deep in the Earth’s crust. He is alone. No one knows where he is. He did not tell anyone where he was going. He did not have a phone. He had not returned his mother’s call. He did not tell his co-workers where he went. He cut off from his girlfriend. He chose to be alone and he suffered the consequence.
On the edge of death, Aron begins to have an awakening. “I created this.” “In fact, this rock has been waiting for me.” “It is my rock.” “Even back when it was a meteorite before it crashed onto the Earth, it had my name on it.” Aron begins to have premonitions about the future. He begins to imagine being reunited with his family, and his extended family. He imagines a future wife and family of his own. Buddhists talk about being on the spot, when we are nailed to a spot we have an opportunity to wake up, to let go of the storylines in our head and touch in to what is really happening. Aron was literally pinned to a spot, and he woke up.
Already physically in an altered state, Aron’s psychological and spiritual transformation pushed him to a deep place of letting go. His arm was not him. It seemed he even needed to leave a piece of him behind to exit the canyon a new person. He began to go to work. A new surge of energy reignited him from the brink of death. Although he had already fruitlessly stabbed his arm with his cheap and dull knife, he was now determined to break free from this rock. Trance-like, he began to break his own bones in his arm, by forcefully hanging from his dead hand jammed under the 800 pound boulder, until his bones snapped. He then (I fast-forwarded this part) used the almost useless knife and his other hand to rip his skin free. I admit I sped over the details but it was gripping. Then he walks away after 5 days, barely alive.
It is still amazing to think about. His premonitions come true. He changes his life. He reconnects with his family. He gets married, has a baby and now he always tells his friends and family where he is going.
This movie touched me because I know personally and professionally that most people don’t change unless they have to. Aron had to change to live. However for most of us, it is not life or death, but it may be another crisis. We can choose to look at our crises the same way that Aron viewed his rock.
Rather than condemning and running from obstacles that are placed in our path, we can get curious about them. What problem is pinning you down? Why is this obstacle right there in front of me? We can pay attention and allow ourselves to do the hard work. Hopefully, not the work of cutting off an arm, but perhaps cutting off a habit or negative coping pattern, an unhealthy relationship, or an erroneous belief system. We can change and in fact rather than looking at events as good or bad, we can look at events as opportunities to grow and expand. So I will ask parents reading this: what is your rock that has fallen on you? How do you work with this problem, so you can leave it transformed, maybe even grateful?
Visit www.parallel-process.com
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